They Aid Drunk Dialing

We’ve all been there:  post-midnight, six drinks deep.  We’re full of courage, slurred syllables and opinions, and gosh darn it, we need those opinions to be heard!  (”I’m mad at you, Mitch!  I’m drunk!  I’m eating bread!”)  There was a time when the only people who would have been on the receiving end of our sauced-up verbal indiscretions were our buddies, our bartenders and/or our bloodshot reflections in the mirror.  These days, thanks to ever-present cell phones, passionately communicating our alcohol-inspired feelings (”Bread is delicious, Mitch!  You’re a jackass!”) is as easy as taking a deep breath, choking back the taste of vomit, and placing a few sloppy calls to an ex, a boss, or an ex’s boss.

Most of us, however, are lucky enough not to get our rant forever captured in cartoon form:

Likelihood it will happen to you:  Very high.

They Embarrass You In Public

Yeah, we know the etiquette, but it’s just not always possible to remember to switch the phone to silent before heading to the movies, or a live show, or a distant cousin’s funeral.  Sometimes you have other things to think about, like the fact that you left an embarrassing message chronicling your recent breakup and the subsequent rise in your Cool Ranch Dorito consumption on your ex’s voice mail last night.  When you do remember to turn the phone off, no one calls anyway.  It’s when you don’t remember that suddenly half your contact list calls, your phone barking inside your pocket like an electronic Chihuahua from hell.  (Which is a feeling, in addition to cerebral numbness, that only Paris Hilton should experience.)  When it happens to someone else, they’re an ill-socialized, inconsiderate jerk wad.  When you’re on the receiving end of the laser-beam eye rays of everyone trying to enjoy the concert, you…well, you still feel like an ill-socialized, inconsiderate jerk wad.

Hey, but you’re an even bigger jerk if you’re the performer himself interrupting the show:

Likelihood:  High, especially if you’re the type to drunk dial.  Drinkers aren’t necessarily the most considerate.

They Get Lost and Stolen

Remember the days when you used to have to memorize numbers?  Or look on the ratty, grease-splattered piece of paper taped up on the kitchen wall near the phone?  You probably don’t, but that’s how it was, once upon a time.  These days, most of us don’t even remember our own mother’s phone number.  If your phone gets lost or stolen, you’re screwed.  Not only have you lost all your contacts, but gone are your photos and videos, not to mention a little bit of your dignity.  Especially if the douche who stole your cell phone plans on uploading your risque pics and videos (It seemed like a good idea at the time, right?) to the internet.  Oh, there goes your reptuation, too.

Likelihood it will happen to you:  Average.

Likelihood your phone will end up swallowed by your dog:  Super high, if you’re this South African couple.

They Make Unwitting Upskirt Shots Easier

If you’re a girl who favors skirts, watch out.  There’s been a surge in this type of, ahem, photography, ever since the camera phone made its debut.  I’m all for a consensual upskirt shot (who isn’t?) but it’s the sneaky attempts at catching a glimpse that are downright creepy (not to mention illegal).  Before cell phones, snapping an upskirt shot meant carrying around a clunky old camera, happening upon the right place at the right time and maybe even adjusting the f-stop (depending on your level of artistry), during which you were likely to blow your cover.  Before camera phones, it wasn’t quite as easy to catch a woman unawares.  Now,  perving is just a flip and a click away.  Mini-skirt wearing school girls on the subway are more endangered than ever.

Likelihood it will happen to you:  Moderate, whether or not you dress moderately.

They Make Catching Upskirters Easier

If you’re a dude who favors upskirts, watch out.  Regular folk with cell phones can seek revenge, foiling your attempts at virtual tom-peepery.  Recently, a New York City man was arrested when a quick-thinking, skirt-wearing subway rider used her phone to take a picture of him, after he took a picture of her.  She e-mailed the photo to police and the pathetic chump was arrested on charges of attempted unlawful surveillance, attempted sexual abuse and harassment.  (Read the story here)

In fact, there’s an entire website dedicated to profiling subway harassers captured on cell phones here.

Likelihood it will happen to you:  Pretty high, you lech.

The FBI Can Use Them to Eavesdrop on You

So, it’s illegal for strangers to use cell phones to take photos of a lady’s nether regions, but the FBI can use cell phones to listen in on that lady’s conversations.  No, you haven’t just stepped into the pages of 1984.  This frighteningly Orwellian scenario happens here and now.  The FBI can remotely activate a cell phone’s microphone to eavesdrop on conversations, whether or not the phone is in use, or even powered on.  The technology is usually used to listen in on mobsters’ riveting conversations (”Yeah, I’m thinkin’ pepperoni.  Naw, I don’t like black olives.”), so unless you got some action with the Administration, you probably don’t have too much to worry about.  Because the phone needn’t be powered on to be used as a futuristic spy tool, though, the only way to be completely sure you’re not being tapped by the feds is to take out the battery.

Likelihood it will happen to you:  Slim.  Unless, of course, your nickname happens to be “Slim.”

They Get You Into Car Accidents

Chatting it up on cell phones while driving is dangerous, whether or not you’re planning hits with the mob.  All the stats on cell-phone related crashes aren’t in, but people think driving while on the phone is a serious enough problem to ban the practice in a lot of places.  The law has spoken:  We weren’t meant to operate heavy machinery while holding tiny technological devices to our ears at the same time.  If anything, we were meant to operate heavy machinery while applying mascara or dunking a scone in our double soy half-caf mocha frappuccino or trying to wrangle a sugar-high toddler back into the car seat.

Likelihood it will happen to you:  Hey, quit reading!  Eyes on the road!

Post from: Mobilecommandos

10 - Cell Phone Charm

    Arguably a modern equivalent to the old fashioned key ring, these potential choking hazards seem to be becoming ubiquitous among those of a certain age. They usually consist of injection molded plastic shaped into objects that range from tacky all the way through to downright awful. There exists such a huge range of these inappropriately named items that this writer can only assume that there are people out there who have attached so many that a rucksack is required to carry them all. The picture shows a cell phone charm in the shape of a phone. Trying to conceive of a reason for the existence of such a product is probably best left to the philosophers.

9 - iPhone Telescope

    The advent of cell phone cameras has turned us all into budding paparazzi, so it should come as no suprise that the immense accessory production capacity of the People’s Republic of China should be turned towards lenses. The iPhone Telescope seeks to improve the admittedly sub-par iPhone camera by attaching a frankly ridiculous looking lens. It requires you first put your iPhone into a plastic case, restricting access to the side buttons of the phone. If you are so audacious as to actually attempt to take a photo using this lens, you’ll find the lack of image stabilization will likely result in a blurry impressionist mess on the screen. Ultimately this product is only marginally more useful than buying $20 of cell phone charms.

8 - LUCY Noise Free Throat Microphone

    Existing somewhere between Blade Runner and Star Trek, the LUCY Noise Free Throat Microphone is a “total solution” to “communication noise intrusion problems”. This product could certainly be useful in workplaces with a lot of background noise, such as when under attack by the Klingons.

7 - Bluetooth Bracelet

    This gadget, shown in a rather charming pink, vibrates and displays the name or number of a caller on an OLED screen when a call is received. Probably the only genuinely useful product on this list. While this may seem like a strange product at first, imagine the alternative applications of this technology away from bracelets. As cell phones become more general purpose appliances, the number of uses for a device like this increases exponentially. Imagine a device like this sewn into the sleeve of a shirt, wearable computing is said to be a growing technology and this is surely a forerunner.

6 - Flash Pet Tree

    Pioneering a new era of mobile horticulture, the Flash Pet Tree is a jar that combines the flashing function of some cell phone charms with the unparalleled excitement of watching a plant grow. Slowly. The perplexing thing about this product is the sheer pointlessness of it. The futility of a plant in a hermetically sealed container is almost enough to cause an existential crisis for this writer, which is not something one wishes to occur on receipt of a phone call. The sales website promises ‘the fun of raising plants, the scents of joy’ as well as to ‘help busy people of our times be in touch with nature’. Indeed.

5 - Antenna Booster

    As we hurtle into a future increasingly reliant on technology, it is interesting to note that certain concepts evolve and progress with us. Snake oil has existed since at least the 1880s. In it’s original form snake oil was exactly that - a supposedly beneficial oil allegedly extracted from snakes. Between then and now snake oil has taken on a variety of forms, be they tonics, pills or gases the concept remains the same. So it is today with technology, mysterious little gadgets and doodads are offered for suspiciously low prices in conspicuously high volumes. The Antenna Booster is snake oil plain and simple, a small piece of plastic and metal that slots in behind your phone battery and harmonizes the magnetic resonance of the Thirteen Ghosts of Scooby Doo to make your phone work better. All for $5, for a pack of two!

4 - Anti-Stress PU Phone Seat

    Concerned that your phone might be feeling a little stressed out? Want to give it a chance to just kick back and relax for a bit? The Anti-Stress PU Phone Seat is the accessory for you! A soft foam seat with an “anti-stress function”, ideal for allowing your phone to recover after a long phone call or particularly complicated text message. Remember, stress is the leading cause of low battery in many cell phones so be sure to give yours a break every now and then!

3 - Mobile Flashlight

    Obviously attentive to the fact that most of us at some time or another have used our cell phones as flashlights, the makers of the Mobile Flashlight (compared to those immobile flashlights?) have jumped in to ensure that we no longer waste our cell batteries on such trivial issues. By simply attaching a bulky bit of plastic with some LEDs to your phone, you too can vanquish the darkness! If there is anyone out there that would destroy the form factor and aesthetics of their phone to use something like this, this writer would love to hear from them. Preferably with pictures of one of these attached to an iPhone.

2 - Protector

    I think we all remember this one. The debates, the arguments, the news reports. There was a time not too long ago when these things were on sale everywhere, it seems they fell out of favor though, and can now usually be found lurking around discount stores, near their brothers the Antenna Boosters. It is scientific fact that if you install an Antenna Booster and a radiation protector in the same phone, you gain direct access to the minds of gods. An unstoppable force collides with an immovable object, the wolf dwells with the lamb and nothing is ever the same.

1 - HOT Vision Video Goggles

    Surely a front runner in the “Most Likely to Cause Severe Retinal Damage” awards, this device claims to simulate a virtual 50 inch screen by placing tiny screens very close to the user’s eyes. Theoretically a solution to the irritation of watching video on a small cell phone screen, the inclusion of headphones apparently allows for some serious immersion. This writer anticipates a future in which public transport is full of people wearing these, each immersed in their own private world. But lets face it, the real appeal of these is the opportunity to impersonate Geordi LaForge.

Post from: Mobilecommandos

I recently discovered a retro movement which had me laughing as hard as the time I watched a rerun of Miami Vice (insert Family Guy flashback here).  Cell phones from the ‘80s and beyond have become extremely popular, with websites like Retrobrick and Retrophone selling more than 500 ancient clunkers a month!  Classics like the 1983, Motorola DynaTAC 8000X (first commercial cell phone eva!) have become sought after collector items, Bluetooth technology is being installed in old-school handsets, and even Apple’s iPhone is riding the retro train by introducing the new “rotary phone” application for dialing addicts everywhere.

So my big question is this: why on earth is this happening?  With technology racing towards smaller and faster, why would anyone yearn for the chunkier and slower?  Sure it’s fun to revisit those old 2D videogames, or to tease the living crap out of your bangs, but to lug around a portable phone in need of a battery pack? C’mon people!  Here are 5 reasons why retro phones should be left where they belong:  in Optimus Prime’s helmet.

1.  They look ridiculous

It doesn’t matter how cool you think you look, a giant DynaTAC stuck to your face makes you look like a giant tool.  How are women expected to lug these Frankenphones around when all the space in their purses are taken up by Princess the poodle?  Like carrying a microwave on your shoulder, this great-grandfather of portable phones should remain behind glass in a museum, where it can’t dislocate any shoulders or transform anyone’s brain into soup.

2.  Retro phones ain’t got shit

We’ve got GPS, MP3, photos, videos, videogames, calendars, phone books, text messaging, internet, internet porn, calculators, captured celebrities spewing racism, internet porn.  Going retro with your cell phone is like trading in your plasma screen, Blu-Ray, home theatre system for a Kinetoscope!

3.  They are pains in the neck

During my investigation I was surprised to discover a ridiculous invention called the “Retro Phone Handset.” Laughing in the faces of Bluetooth and convenient hands-free earbuds,  a horrific marriage has taken place between old and new technology. You can now attach a replica of the Western Electric 500-series model handset to your cell phone, whenever you need to go hands-free.  Silly humans.  How easily we forget the neck cramps involved in stirring linguini noodles while balancing those old receivers between our skulls and our clavicles.  Do the words “I have to go now Sarah, my head is stuck to my shoulder” ring a bell?  A loud, annoying bell, that should have been replaced with a funky ringtone years ago?

To make things even worse, the geeks over at ThinkGeek.com have taken a lame concept and have poured extra lame all over it.  To their credit they removed the spiral phone cord, giving the retro handset user the freedom to roam unhindered.  Much to their discredit however, a quote from their website proves that they are indeed geeks through and through, and their motives in creating the handset remain far from helping the user look any cooler.

“We have taken the ever-popular Retro Handset and updated it to connect to your cell phone using Bluetooth technology. That’s right! No more tangled up phone cord. Now people will think you’re really crazy talking into an old-time handset connected to… nothing.”  For that “really crazy” look that’s really hot right now, this is just what we were looking for.  Get out of our heads ThinkGeeks!

4.  Dialing is for suckers

iRetrophone is an application software which gives iPhone users the chance to remember just how long and frustrating dialing phone numbers used to be.  More paradox anyone?  They’ve completely eliminated the physical strain of having to actually “push” buttons, only to revert right back to the dark ages when anyone who had more than three 9s in their phone number was considered an asshole.  What’s next iPhone, the Smoke Signal application?

5. I’ll let this commercial speak for itself

There are certain moments in time which are better left forgotten, and this 1989 jeep ride is definitely one of them.  The biggest laugh of all is that these phones cost nearly $3,000 at the time!  I can tolerate retro music, fashion, hell even retro graphics can still be endearing, but when it comes to retro cell phone technology all I can say is “Hey, the 1980s are on the phone, and even THEY want to upgrade!”

Post from: Mobilecommandos

1. Talking too loudly.

“YES! FOR THE LOVE OF BABY JESUS, WE CAN HEAR YOU NOW!” For some bizarre reason people feel the need to raise their voices while on their phones. I think we’ve come far enough, technologically speaking, to trust the phone’s microphone to adequately amplify and carry your voice. Your mouth couldn’t physically be any closer to the microphone, so unless you’re talking into it from a Captain Kirk distance or calling in an airstrike while under heavy machine gun fire, there’s no need to yell. Hell, even Kirk never raised his voice and he was communicating with an alcoholic Scotsman on a space ship!

Note: There are attention-seekers out there who speak loudly on purpose to “show off” recent accomplishments and victories to impress surrounding strangers. Do not hate on them too much, they were probably adopted and are cursed to constantly seek approval from anyone within earshot.  Lord knows, I’m adopted, and that’s what I do.

2. Holding inappropriate conversations in public.

No one needs to hear how wasted you were last night, or what color your boyfriend’s boxers were on the night the two of you, um, “played Scrabble.” Keep your personal conversations personal. If you don’t want people to see you crying in line at the bank or while ordering a stuffed-crust pizza, refrain from having emotional conversations in public. Offer to call the person back, step outside, or find a quiet place where you can openly and unabashedly describe your new foot fungus.

3. Rudely interrupting conversations.

Have you ever felt the only way to maintain a conversation with the person right in front of you is to give them a call? Ever arrive at the climax of a hilarious story, only to have the momentum ruined by “Sorry, I gotta take this”? Why is the disembodied voice of someone else more important than the flesh and blood standing before you? It’s very frustrating to stand around waiting while your “friend,” date, or family member gets into a phone conversation on your time. When this happens, I recommend simply walking away. Even when you’re sitting in a restaurant, if your date would rather chat with someone else, then you should get up and leave immediately to find someone else. Or, as I mentioned earlier, call them on their other line. “Hey, how’s it going? How’s your sea bass? Isn’t the wine delicious?” If you can’t beat ‘em, call ‘em.

4. Checking your phone at the movies.

Movie theatre announcements and people who are quick to “shhhh” have done a decent job of reducing reducing cell phone rings over the years. But people are still checking their calls and text messaging rfiends, silently, but equally annoyingly. There’s a reason why we spend an arm and a leg to watch movies in the theatre. When the lights go out and the screen lights up, we try to forget our everyday troubles and we submerse ourselves into whatever the hell world we bought tickets for. We escape. But when out of the corner of our eyes we see someone’s entire face light up while they check their phone messages, we’re yanked right back to reality and are reminded of how many jerks per square foot there are in the world. Turn your phones off, have a little consideration for the people around you. The world won’t stop spinning if you’re unavailable for 2 hours. “But what if there’s an emergency?” The odds of an actual emergency occurring are astronomical. Besides, if there was an emergency, it already happened. You already weren’t there, and chances are the people who could actually do anything about it, already have.

5. Texting while driving.

Somebody please get the “Darwin Awards” on the phone. Of course, if you’re driving when you do, make sure you’re on hands free or have pulled over before you start explaining how there are people who send texts while behind the wheel of a vehicle. According to a Harvard University study, cell phones cause over 200 deaths and half a million injuries each year. And that’s with eyes on the road! Laws are in place to make sure people aren’t talking on their phones, and yet people are typing?!?! (I very rarely use the double question mark with the double exclamation point at the end of sentences, but this is ridiculous) I would love to see the tombstone: Was LOL when he WCTTFW (Went crashing through the freaking windshield) Anyone caught texting while driving should be stripped of their driving license forever.

6. Texting while talking.

You ever have someone try to listen to your story while text messaging someone else? You want to give them points for making the effort as they clumsily insert “oh yeahs” and “un huhs” at all the wrong moments, cutting you off mid-sentence with a “no way” as they furiously thumb type in your face, but at the same time you want to volleyball spike their phone to the ground for being unbelievably rude. A third option is tell better stories.

7. Texting small talk.

Does our friendship mean nothing? Have we become so lazy and disinterested in each other’s lives that we’re asking people to sum up their days with a text? “How r u?” “What’s up?” “What’s new?” These arbitrary questions are annoying enough when asked in person, but at least we have the ability to fire back equally insignificant responses in one second or less. But expecting people to waste their time typing “not bad, u?” or “same sh*t” or heaven forbid “let me tell you about my day” is about as lame and pointless as your appendix.

8. Loud and annoying ringtones.

I was riding the bus to work one morning, when out of nowhere the silence was shattered with screaming. It was the type of scream a frat boy lets out when a serial killer is in the process of gutting him with a fountain pen. I just about had a cardiac arrest and many of the people on the bus jumped out of their seats. It was only when the repetitive screaming suddenly tripled in volume that we all discovered the culprit: a cell phone. Some jerk pulled the phone out of his pocket, embarrassed at how loud it was, and accidentally dropped it on the bus floor. The joke now on him, the whole bus watched in amusement as this dude’s face grew redder and redder, scrambling to pick up and silence the screams coming from his phone. While there are far too many stupid ringtones out there to mention here, the story makes the point: turn down your stupid ringtone! No one thinks you’re clever, or funny, or musically savvy when you’re little pocket jukebox interrupts their thoughts. That guy on the bus probably thought his scream-tone was hysterical, but the looks on everyone else’s face read loud and clear: “What a douche bag!”

9. Disturbing live performances.

Comedy shows, concerts, plays etc…Nothing boils my blood more than having art ruined by a ringing cell phone. I nearly gave a security guard a standing ovation when he grabbed a gentleman by the collar and escorted him out of a Cirque du Soleil show for having his cell phone go off during a particularly dangerous acrobatic stunt. You ruin someone’s comedy act or interrupt an actor on stage, in turn spoiling the experience for everyone around you who’s spent their hard earned money on a night out, and you’re an arrogant douche-monkey who should be put in the corner with the rest of the 5 year olds. But when you disturb a performer who’s very life depends on needle-point focus and concentration, you should be put in jail.

10. Location location location

There are countless locations where “taking the call” is inappropriate and extremely annoying to those around you. The first two off the top of my head as the most frustrating are in libraries, and fast food restaurant lines. One of the last places on earth, aside from an empty church or your own bathroom, where people can go to read, think, and study in silence, is under attack by people who refuse to disconnect from the outside world. Does the word SSSSHHHHH mean nothing to you? Take the call outside, before someone throws “War and Peace” or Stephen King’s “It” at your head.

While ordering food, there’s no need to explain how annoying a phone call can be for both the restaurant staff and for the customers in line behind you. Check out how one Subway restaurant dealt with this problem. Again, if people are going to act like children we need to treat them like children. Well played Subway, well played.

Post from: Mobilecommandos

The real question here is: Does the iPhone deserve the name? How do its features stack up to JC aka Captain Miracle? Find out as we put the two in the ring.

Community

Christianity has over 1.5 billion adherents worldwide, not even counting across history.
January 9th, 2007, Steve Jobs spoke first of the iPhone at the Macworld convention. 10 million iPhones are forecast to be sold by the end of 2008. Heck, there are only roughly 1.3 billion internet users worldwide. That said, it is increasing at a much fast rate.
Conclusion: Time will tell, but for now Jesus has a big enough lead that the iPhone’s got its work cut out.
Outcome: Jesus Wins!

Catering

Jesus can feed 5000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish.
Technically, with an iPhone, you could order 5000 pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese and bacon.
Conclusion: Fish sandwiches are gross.
Outcome: iPhone wins!

Resurrection

Jesus can raise people, as well as himself from the dead.
The only thing the iPhone has raised are its prices. Well, once you factor the data plan.
Conclusion: If JC were alive today he could wear the t-shirt: Original Zombie Maker. He don’t need no data plan.
Outcome: Jesus wins!

Buoyancy

Jesus walks on water.
You can skip an iPhone across a pond.
Conclusion: Even if you break the world record with 52 skips, your iPhone will eventually sink. Jesus on the other hand, can moonwalk across that s*** for hours without getting his ankles wet.
Outcome: Jesus wins!

Saving

Jesus saves souls.
The iPhone lets you save movies, images, and much more.
Conclusion: A saved soul with no gadgets makes for a boring life, but even with an iPhone, hell sucks. Be a decent person, and you don’t need a soul saved, though
Outcome: iPhone wins!

Party (Drinking) Features

Jesus can turn water into wine.
The iPhone can make fake beer disappear.
Conclusion: Given that the iPhone doesn’t actually create alcohol, this one’s no contest.
Outcome: Jesus wins!

Healing

Jesus can heal the sick.
The iPhone’s easy-to-use API has led to a multiplicity of medical software, set to revolutionize medical school, patient-doctor communication, and more.
Conclusion: While having a healer around is good in a pinch, the iPhone is set to have a much greater impact on the world’s medical care.
Outcome: iPhone wins!

And the winner is…….Jesus! Final score 4-3

If you have any other comparisons to add, let us know, and we can perhaps modify our results. The iPhone is made by Apple, Apple Records was created by The Beatles, and John Lennon considered The Beatles bigger than Jesus, but at the end of the day, Jesus comes out on top! Alright that makes no sense, but you get the idea. As for our combatants, time will tell what the score will end up being, with the iPhone’s growing appeal and Jesus’ fairly dated style.

Edit: Due to a comment pointing out Jesus’ lack of navigational skills, iPhone gets another point, and we’re now tied 4-4

Post from: Mobilecommandos

With the iPhone available and the grassroots consumer action which led to lowered fees, The iPhone will keep Apple afloat for at least another five years. At which point PCs will be tired of the fan boy arrogance and crush them with one quick swoop destroying hundreds of starbucks and graphic design schools.

So enjoy your iPhone. They are really cool.

Sources:

http://flickr.com/photos/jaapoost/2321527307/

http://flickr.com/photos/littera/353133292/

http://flickr.com/photos/shapeshift/352593346/

Post from: Mobilecommandos

1. There Are LOTS of Them

There are half as many active cell phones on the planet as there are people. When you think of the general wealth distribution across the planet, it’s pretty remarkable to have over 3.3 billion active mobiles. Then again, Luxembourg’s mobile phone penetration rate is 158%. Yep - that’s 158 active cell phones for every 100 people.

Source

2. And They Make a Mess

125+ million phones are discarded every year. Given the rate at which people go through cell phones (Koreans replace on average every 11 months), it’s easy to see how the environmental side can get out of control. At least there’s gold in the garbage! Yarr.

Source

3. M-Voting in Estonia

While the 2008 US election is abuzz with web penetration, E-stonia’s been leading the global technopolitical charge. As Lithuania books a seat on the e-voting (online voting) train, Estonia’s letting mobile phones both act as a convenient vote delivery platform, but also a personal identity confirmation, ushering in a new era of what is being called “m-voting”.

Source

4. Koreans Love to Text Message. Seriously.

Korean teenagers between 15 and 19 years of age send well over 20,000 text messages a year, on average (60.1 texts per day). I don’t care how fast StarCraft has made your fingers - that’s a lot of time that could have been spent… I dunno… talking to people. According to the Korea Times in February 2006, “over 30% of South Korean students send 100 text messages a day”.

Source

5. The First Cell Phone Came Out in 1983

Well, at least, the first to get FCC acceptance. It was called the Motorola DynaTAC 8000X. Before you lolz at the cheesebag name, wait until you hear what it stands for: Dynamic Adaptive Total Area Coverage. Kinda endearing, I guess. They sound… proud.

6. Cell Phone… Or Flashlight?

Lost power? Sneaking back into bed? According to a Sprint survey, just under two-thirds of cell phone users use the backlight as a flashlight. A testament to human ingenuity! I guess it’s obvious, in a way. And here I thought I was being clever.

Source

7. You Can Get Stuffed Into a Locker Through Your Phone

Ok, not really, but apparently text message bullying is on the rise in England. As an online anti-cyber-bullying guide explains, text message bullying allows for abuse around the clock. You want to pick on some kid, he’s available 24/7. It’s like those massive Blackberry ads at airports that boast that you now never have to leave the office. Bullying has never been more efficient!

Source

8. Cell Phones Can Help Stop Nuclear Terrorism

Using solid-state radiation sensors, researchers at Purdue University are working to allow network of properly set up cell phones to track the presence of radioactive material. Since likely targets for terrorist attacks are major urban centers, and since most people have cell phones, this system could help collectively find out where the problem lies.

Source

9. Used for National Disaster Response

Mobiles are more useful during an emergency than just for calling loved ones. Other countries have adopted systems whereby phone companies automatically warn citizens of emergencies/disasters - free of charge. Finland, in 2005, adopted such a system, as did Japan.

Source

10. Half of Japan’s Top Fiction Was Written on Mobile Phones

Absolutely nuts. Turning the publishing industry on its head, this trend’s subscriber models are thriving and making significant money for aspiring writers, in turn fueling the phenomenon. Authors tend to be young women sharing fictionalized aspects of their lives. Five of the top ten works of fiction in 2007 were written on mobile phones. Japan, you never cease to amaze me.

Source

Post from: Mobilecommandos

1. Minion (Twisted Metal 2)

With six massive tires and the firepower of a small battalion, Minion was fitting as a final boss. As much as running for your life to avoid being crushed was fun, playing as Minion was even better. It was the perfect kind of thing to unlock after having worked through the game. There’s always been something fair and nice about being able to use/acquire that which you defeat in games, and Minion’s a perfect example.

Special Abilities

• Can crush other cars
• Powerful machine guns
• Heavily armored

How to Unlock

Press L1, Up, Down, Left at the vehicle selection screen.

2. Reptile (Mortal Kombat)

As the first unlockable/secret character in a fighting game, Reptile was the ultimate in mystery ninja cool. Scorpion and Subzero had their own thing going, and then this weird green guy would pop out every now and then with rather cheeseball clues as to how to find him. I liked that there was yet another ninja in the game, but it did seem like just another example of palette swap laziness (at least, until later on in the series when he was made more lizardish). Overall, though, it spiced things up. With a secret unlockable riddle-giving ninja character, how can you go wrong, really? Only a hidden in the first Mortal Kombat, his popularity earned him a real spot in the lineup for subsequent games in the series. Later hidden characters in Mortal Kombat world include Smoke, Jade, Noob Saibot, and others, but Reptile really started it all.

The ninja color-swap precedent established by the ninja turtles is to blame.

Special Abilities

• Can spit acid
• Can throw forceballs (projectiles)
• Fatality: Exposing his lizard face, then tearing off his opponent’s head with his tongue and eating it

How to Unlock

In single player mode, wait until a shadow covers the moon in The Pit stage, and win two flawless victory rounds. You’ll fight Reptile in the pit below.

3. Sheng Long (Street Fighter II)

As the story went, Sheng Long was the former teacher to both Ken and Ryu. Electronic Gaming Monthly, in their April 1992 issue, played an April Fools joke on their readers, claiming that you could fight him in the arcade version, but only under very specific and nearly impossible circumstances. The hoax was a huge success, with players all over the world dumping loads of quarters into the local coin-op to be the guy who pulls it off. Sheng Long’s legacy inspired the character Akuma, who appeared in later games in the Street Fighter series. While it’s maybe a bit unfair to put him in place of an actual unlockable character, that the joke was pulled off so well earns a spot in history.

Special Abilities

• Can use all the abilities of all the other characters
• Flaming dragon punch (before Ken got it in later versions)

How to Unlock

The full description’s in the pic below, but basically, you had to go through the entire game without getting hit once, then spar with the final boss for 10 rounds without either of you hitting each other. As if!

Post from: Mobilecommandos

The limited edition handset is the perfect metaphor for Marvel Comic’s latest blockbusting superhero. It wraps the inventive, technologically savvy qualities of Tony Stark in the durable, sleek, red and gold armor of Iron Man. Sweet. LG Shine to the Rescue.

But as cool as the movie looks, with all due respect, I was never a huge Iron Man fan growing up. Rich dude flying around in a suit of armor? Fap fap fap. So I can’t help but wonder Why does HE get a phone in HIS honor, when there have been countless comic book butt-kickers who deserve it way more? Are there less juvenile, more serious issues to ponder in the world today? Definitely. Did I spend an afternoon matching my favorite comic book characters with their respective cell phone technology? Absolutely.

Dr. Octopus - iPhone

At the height of smart-phone technology, who better to operate the multi-touch interface screen of Apple’s iPhone than evil super-genius Dr. Otto Octavius?

When he’s not busy throwing tanks, activating nuclear reactors or beating up Spidey, Doc Oc can use his mentally-controlled, telescopic tentacles to check emails, download music, text message his girlfriend while updating his blog, all at the same time! We’ll call it the iiiiPhone.

Wolverine - RAZR

For obvious reasons Wolverine needs something sharp, virtually indestructible, and able to accommodate his short temper. When he’s finished dealing with some punk Rogers customer service rep, he needs a phone he can throw into an enemy’s jugular. A cellular ninja-star if you will. So what better than a RAZR?

Silver Surfer - Motorola Q (Silver)

Exiled on earth, the Silver Surfer needs his very own silver…surfer…to surf….the web…get it? ‘Cause the phone is silver, and he’s……oh man that was terrible! What am I doing with my life?! Have you ever actually “booed” yourself? I can’t even look at myself in the mirror after that one. Wow. I suck for just suggesting the Motorola Q. Kicks me in the balls next time you see me.

The Hulk - TA-838/PT

“Hulk wearing ripped purple pants. What you wearing?” My impression of the Hulk having phone sex everybody….No? Nothing? Tough crowd. Anyhow, it’s pretty hard to picture the giant green bundle of rage delicately tapping away on his Blackberry, especially since one finger could turn the phone into blackberry juice. And I can’t picture him about to launch an oil tanker into orbit, only to be interrupted by Rihanna’s Umbrella song muffling its way out of his left pocket, when he pulls out his flip phone to take the call: “Hello? Hulk busy. Send text.” The Hulk needs something bulky with big buttons, something with the ability to send and receive calls while surrounded by explosions and incoming missiles.

Nothing takes a beating like the TA-838/PT Military Field Telephone, and incidentally nothing dishes them out better either. In the hands of our angry green friend the TA-838 is perfect for clobbering bad guys, smashing them into the ground like hammering a nail. And for fashion purposes, the phone also matches his skin color!

Post from: Mobilecommandos

With a big viewing area, the iPhone’s might have a screen just big enough. The Sony PSP, a contender in the portable porn market, clocks in with a 480 X 272 high resolution screen, comparable to the iPhone’s 480 X 320. The extra might help kick it out of “this is stupid small” and into an acceptable “hold it three inches front of your face” option. That, combined with easy internet access, takes care of the basics. (As for where to go on the web to find it, just head on over to the number one access point for iPhone porn sites: Google)

What about the iPhone’s whole touch potential? Sure, nipple twisting fingerprint circles on a smooth, cold, flat surface while sitting on a toilet in a mall bathroom might trigger a “EUREKA! I feel low” moment, but maybe there’s something to integrating touch with some kind of porn hacked application. We can all hang back until the Japanese sort out that whole avenue.

As for portable porn in general, there are upsides, and downsides. On the plus side, a phone’s a much more personal and private a device than a computer, less likely to be household/shared. Ironically, another advantage is that it’s much more public if you want it to be. Beer + iPhone porn = giggles among friends. And, fact is, if you ever “need” porn, you’ve always… got it… see, that’s just it, I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of having porn with me at all times. That’s committing to a lifestyle right there, like… I dunno… carrying a flask. Not only does having it in your phone create a whole new type of paranoia and set of porn-tracks to cover, but if you do get caught, all traits in the outward personality you’ve cultivated over the years will crumble in irrelevance under your new public identity as “guy who carries porn with him wherever he goes”. Still, it’s better than being the guy who keeps a “beaver shot” in his wallet.

The irony is that sticking a bikini babe as your wallpaper is still fairly socially acceptable, with womankind generally resigned to a “boys will be boys” attitude about covered nipples. But what happens when those bikini babes come to life?

I can’t help picture the ever so liberal “boys will be boys” attitude quickly dissolving with the knowledge that boys are carrying around their very own portable lap dancers. And these girls don’t ask for money when they’re done.

Post from: Mobilecommandos